Welcome!

This is the online home for my erotic roman à clefs.

*** WARNING *** The stories in this journal contain highly explicit sexual content, as well as frank discussions about sexual practices and alternative lifestyles that some people may find offensive. This content is for viewing only by people over the age of 21.

Some of the sexual practices involved in these stories may involve sucking, fucking, jerking off, frottage, nipple work, CBT, fisting, water sports, spanking, B/D, S/M, and sex with transmen.

If any of this would offend you, please don't read any further.

With the exception of a few entries (which are clearly marked as fiction), everything in this journal actually happened to me.

Who am I? Collapse )

Things that are NOT discussed in any of these stories because I'm explicitly NOT into them include sexual practices centered around blood, children, animals, dead people, cutting/branding/burning, breath control, or cross-dressing. I have my own limits, and I'm comfortable with them.

NOTE: With the exception of dead people that I once knew, I've assigned anonymous descriptive names (e.g., "Mr. Big Bad Fisting Top") to all persons herein.

Quick Links To Popular Subject Tags (Fisting enthusiast? Start here!):

Want to find the start of the sexual material?
Click here and work your way forward.

Want to start from the very beginning?
Click here.

Finally...I have no official connection to the truly wonderful book, "The Ethical Slut". I took this name because it was the easiest way to describe myself to others who understand how to healthily and positively manage sex, love, friendships, and relationships.

This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/702.html.
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Playing in chastity.

For the last year or so, I've been having intermittent ED issues, which is not uncommon for someone "of my age".

This past weekend, I decided to reframe my frustration and rechannel that energy into a play session with me locked in chastity.

The utterly gorgeous dom I recently began playing with (more about him in a separate entry, thank you) was delighted when I asked him, Hard or Soft?, explaining that I could either take ED meds tonight or hand him my chastity cage to put on me. He immediately chose the chastity cage, saying simply, I like playing with your soft dick.

Putting on my own chastity cage can be a bit...frustrating. It's a Holy Trainer Nub, and getting the knob piece to slide into place without pinching any skin is very tricky.

Having my dom put the chastity cage on me, however, was both a luxury and a head trip, knowing that he was locking down my manhood and keeping the key for the duration of the evening.

He was very pleased with the result, especially given that I have very large balls. He toyed with them a bit, which felt wonderful.

As far as my cock was concerned, I felt like it didn't exist...and suddenly the world opened up as I realized that I no longer felt the slightest bit of anxiety over whether or not I could maintain an erection to please my partner. And knowing that everything I DID do to please him from that point forward was about using the rest of me.

That was a powerful realization. My mouth, my nipples, my hands, my feet, my hole, were what I would need to use to pleasure my dom.

It didn't take long before he flipped me over and pushed me face-down onto the bed, and started rimming my clean hole. His beard burned in the very best possible way, and I dropped into my Primal mode, animal noises emerging from deep within my chest, because without any sensation in my dick, it was suddenly all about my hole.​

This is something a lot of the writing about chastity doesn't make clear; it's not about simply removing using your cock as an option; it's about making you aware of the rest of your body.​

Everything else was hyper-sensitized. My nipples, my feet, my skin, my belly. All of it. And I didn't miss my dick at all (which probably should have scared me, but didn't).

After rimming me for what might have 30 seconds or 30 minutes--my time dilation was vacillating wildly as all of the above thoughts raced though my brain--he pushed my head down into the pillows with one hand while he lubed up his rock-hard uncut dick with the other. He entered me in a single, slow, methodical stroke.

That's when my hole--which I've always found seems to have a mind of its own--lit up like a carnival, and didn't just open up for him, it started grabbing at his dick, and milking it for every potential drop of precum. I'm not sure which one of us was more surprised, but he dove in with gusto, hammering me with enthusiasm.

Suddenly, he made a strange noise, and in a strained voice told me, I'm gonna cum in your pighole! 

He needn't have warned me; I could feel the shift in his energy and the way his dick was flexing within me, indicating that he was beginning to get ready to breed me.

I didn't have an assgasm--quite--but I could absolutely swear that I felt every spurt of his cock in my hole.

It wasn't until he calmed down enough to catch his breath that he confessed that he had never climaxed from fucking ass before. Ever. He'd always had to pull out and jerk himself off and pop back in. HAWT.

And I was insanely proud when he explained that he'd never fucked someone whose hole actually milked his cock like he was jerking off.

I did look back over my shoulder and make eye contact, and we had one of those unspoken psychic conversational moments, which went something like this:

  • Him: That's never happened before.
  • Me: Maybe you've just been fucking the wrong pigs.
  • Him: Uh...yeah. Maybe so.

And then he grinned and nodded, acknowledging the unspoken conversation. (We verbalized the exchange to each other much later.)

I asked if he wanted to rim what he'd just fucked (his usual preference), and he grinned more evilly, and told me, No, I think my load needs to be fully absorbed by your greedy pighole. Let's move over to the sling.

He'd fisted me once before, and had taken great delight in sucking a constant flow of precum from my sometimes-hard, sometimes-soft dick.

This time, however, there didn't seem to be a lot of precum, so he concentrated on looking deep into my eyes as he opened my butt, licking my feet, and rubbing and touching my belly and anywhere else he could touch, quietly intoning Such a good pig...

Every part of my body was hyper-sensitive at that point. I could feel his hand waiting patiently to enter my (screaming for it!) hole, so I started my Tantric breathing pattern: deep nasal breath in from my belly to top of my chest, then releasing the air through pursed lips, visualizing any muscle strain or tightness in my hole leaving my body with my breath.

He was staring into my eyes as we both felt his hand slide home, a millimeter at a time, until his clenched fist was wholly within my first chamber.

I can't recall all of the things he did in my first chamber, but I clearly recall my hole briefly spasming, grabbing his arm, and pulling him in deeper. He didn't quite reach my second sphincter that night, but not for lack of my hole trying.

After the intense evening we'd already shared, we mutually acknowledged that our energies were depleted, and he gradually withdrew from my hole, which remained surprisingly clean for all of the time he'd spent in it.

Later, in bed, he pushed me back while he unlocked the chastity cage, and his eyes got really wide. There's like, a reservoir of precum stored in the gap between the HT and your balls, and in the HT cap.

And he spent a good four or five minutes slowly sipping and licking up every precious drop of fluid that he hadn't been able to swallow while I was in the sling, finishing by giving my entire genital area a loving tongue bath.

Neither of us was surprised that I didn't feel the need to jerk off or get hard at that point, and we simply snuggled up and went to sleep together for the first time.

For me, fantasizing about having sex in chastity was very different than actually experiencing sex in chastity. The reality wasn't a letdown at all; it was far more intense than I'd anticipated. And it set off a few submissive thought patterns I'm still processing. Not unpleasant, just..different.


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The Cocksucker's Cocksucker.

Had a play date on Saturday with a long-time friend, but was asked to not write it up in a way that could identify him for privacy reasons, so I am respecting his request by waiting to write it up until I can figure out how to write it up in a such a way as to keep him completely anonymous. Consent is important.

Sunday early afternoon, received a query on Squirt from a hot guy I've played with a couple of times before. He's generally a bottom, but every so often he wants a mouth to fuck and a face to sit on. While some folks would look at him and think he couldn't possibly be my type, there's something raw and matter-of-fact sexual about him that I find incredibly hawt. He has dark brown hair but he smells and tastes like a ginger...everywhere. Separate from all of this, his profile is marked as of their "500 Top Faves".

During the pandemic, he grew out his beard which indeed confirmed he is somewhat gingery up there.  He's not hung hugely, but I'm good with that because his cut dick is just the right size to allow me to massage the head with the roof of my mouth and the back of my throat. 

We disrobed, he stood quietly in front of me as I sank down onto the floor, my legs extended around his feet; this is generally a much more comfortable position for me than on my knees, especially since Mr. Squirt Top 500 is much shorter than me.

I took his soft dick into my mouth, and started flicking my tongue up and down the length, butterfly-kissing the glans. As before, he rose to the occasion very quickly.

We probably spent about 30-40 minutes with his dick down my throat, as I experimented with different things to see what made him get harder or softer. Licking and nibbling his balls produced a softer dick, but it started leaking more precum, so I alternated that with running my tongue all over his sensitive engorged glans, which made him harder but cut off the precum.

Sometimes I pulled back and enjoyed feeling the head of his dick swell, sometimes I deep-throated him, just so I could inhale the gentle fragrance of a freshly-washed redhead. I had to make sure I kept working his dick while I inhaled deeply, but the pheromones were totally worth it, making me dizzy with lust, and even more determined to work a huge load out of him.

As I was bobbing up and down the full length of his hardon, making sure as much surface area as possible was contacting the roof and back of my throat, he quietly announced he was going to come.

This didn't dissuade me a bit, and I kept going until he released a massive and ginger-tasty load down my throat.* Unlike many other guys, while his dick gets sensitive after he orgasms, he enjoys my continuing to milk it, and I milked him for another 2 or 3 minutes even as he started to go soft, because cum was still flowing out of his soft dick.

All of this time, I'd been periodically running my hands up and down his body, gently squeezing his legs, his butt, back, torso, and arms, delighting in the male energy flowing under my fingers. My own dick was rock-hard during most of this, and leaking prodigiously.

While he usually likes sitting down and getting rimmed while he brings himself to a second orgasm, he wasn't quite up to it today. Pity. He has an incredibly delicious butt.

The beard made him look even sexier than usual. He was amused that afterwards, when we sat on the edge of the bed and chatted for a while, I couldn't help but stroke it gently. He's still getting used to it.

Poor guy has been through COVID-19, has some long-term side effects, got the vaccine (which helped, but didn't eliminate, the side effects), and then experienced a concussion at work a couple of months ago. He's had a rough couple of years since I last saw him.

I would like to think that I provided him with an hour of pleasure and relaxation. As I said, anybody who knows me would look at him and think, "meh", but I find him incredibly hot and sexy. It's his energy, and I can't be more specific than that.

On Squirt, he's well-known as a voracious cocksucker. I am pleased he considers me talented enough to be a cocksucker's cocksucker.  It's kind of like being a barber's barber. There's an extension of trust that I find highly erotic.



*I've said it before; redheads/gingers taste and smell different to me than other types of men, and vive la difference!
This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/71972.html.
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No more Mr. Hot Neighbor

The day I've dreaded since the pandemic lockdown started has finally arrived.

There's a "For Sale" sign in Mr. Hot Neighbor's window.

* sigh *

- - -

UPDATE 6/12/2021: So the saga of Mr. Hot Neighbor just got even more depressing...and intriguing.

I received an email from him last night. They moved out a few months ago, during the last third of our lockdown, so I never noticed.
 
ARGH.

On the other hand, they moved to South County (meaning Gilroy or Morgan Hill), so he's not completely out of reach.

And he very specifically told me to let him know (stress on words his) when I would be free/available to play.

This could be...interesting.


This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/71915.html.
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Top 15?

Huh.

A new-to-me LJ community, called "lj_top15_noncyr" reposted my entry about The Return of Mr. Hot Nub on May 29th, 2021...which is really May 30th in Russia.

The community is owned, maintained, and run by LiveJournal themselves.

The community name suggests that particular entry is among the top 15 read non-Cyrillic entries on LiveJournal for May 30th, 2021.

That's kinda creepy despite the implied compliment.  I mean, yeah, this blog is marked PUBLIC / ADULTS-ONLY, but considering the content, I'm surprised that LJ just...sweeps up entries without regard to content warnings.

My other internal question: are there really that many people reading this sex blog on a regular basis, or has the non-Cyrillic LiveJournal simply become so dead that what I feel is an obscure sex blog has risen to reading prominence?

Unfortunately, we'll never know the truth. One of the issues I've always had with LJ's codebase (and, alas, with DreamWidth's spinoff) is that there's no built-in read counter for entries.



This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/71578.html.
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    surprised surprised

The Return of Mr. Hot Nub

First thing out of the way: although Mr. Hot Nub calls his dick a "nub", it's anything but.

It's at least 5.5 or 6" long, and it's slightly over 6" in circumference. That's about as big around as the squashed-in top of a soda can.  (The main body of the can is about 8.25" around.) It's uncut, although the foreskin leaves about 1/3 of the head uncovered at full erection.

Mr. Hot Nub's dick is girthy enough that I have to work very carefully to not scrape it with my teeth, yet not quite long enough to choke me when I've fully deep-throated it. And it leaks precum steadily, courtesy of a huge set of balls, which are the size of small to medium sized eggs.

He's not tall, but he's stocky and well-built. His feet and hands are big--he wears a size 12 shoe--and he has amazingly big shoulders.

Today I realized that he sometimes shaves his torso. The last couple of times I played with him, he was utterly smooth above the waist except for his thick, bushy beard and (fragrant, tasty) pits. This time, his stomach was actually quite furry, which I found just as erotic as when it was shaved. His crotch and legs are nicely furry, too, though his butt is mostly smooth.

He'd just come from work, so he showered first, then laid down on the bed. He has enormous nips which are eminently suckable, and he loves them being sucked and played with. He frequently fingers his nips while I'm deep-throating him.

Culturally, he's straight. He rarely touches me, but he loves having me touch him. He also dozes off when I snuggle up next to him, which slightly embarrasses him, and slightly amuses me. I get the impression he doesn't relax much around other people.

I started by playing with his nips, remembering just a few seconds too late (he reminded me) that he doesn't like them being bitten or chewed; he likes them sucked and stroked. Each nipple is easily the size of the first joint of my index finger. They are things of beauty, and I am envious. I told him I would love to have nipples as large and beautiful as his.

It didn't take him long to get hard, and I spent probably a good 30-35 minutes sucking him, starting off lying at an angle to his crotch, then maneuvering between his legs, which he likes better. He loves it when I run my hands up and down his legs, occasionally playing with his feet.  All that time, he was steadily leaking a thin stream of tasty precum.

Normally, he's a fast climaxer; we were both surprised that I worked him over for nearly an hour before he took matters into his own hands, with me playing with his nips while being ready to dive onto his meaty dick. This included a brief break where I licked and nibbled at his size 12 feet, which engendered a lovely set of groans and whimpers from him.

He's very, very quiet, so I had to watch and listen carefully to figure out when he was getting close, and I got my mouth over his dick just as he started to shoot...and shoot...and shoot...and shoot.  I stopped counting at five or six volleys, each of them a modest yet generous mouthful.

Afterwards, he started to fall asleep, both because of the natural male biological urge to sleep after climaxing, and because he'd had a long hard day at work.

Still, I was pleased and relieved that he'd come out of the pandemic OK, and gave him a big hug, which seemed to slightly embarrass him...but he grinned widely, so he couldn't have been too appalled. We both agreed that we want to play again, perhaps in the morning when he's not so tired, and is capable of a second load.

Like all of my very hottest play buddies, he doesn't think he's attractive. I told him as long as it keeps away the men who are all hotter than me so I can keep playing with him, I'm OK with that. And that did make him laugh.

As for me...despite taking a Cialis beforehand, I didn't get especially hard, though I got kinda drippy. That's not wholly unusual for me, although I've noticed I've been having a bit higher incidence of ED than I recall in recent years. May need to talk with my doctor about that.


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Busy Friday.

This afternoon is a Daily Double*, with a former regular play buddy from Growlr coming over in the afternoon right after work, followed by a potential new play buddy from Scruff.

Mr. Former Regular from Growlr is known here as "Mr. Hot Nub". Along with 1 or 2 other guys (at most), he's nearly the only reason I didn't delete my Growlr account during the pandemic lockdown.

Mr. New Potential Play Bud from Scruff...hits my sapiosexual buttons, among other things. I'll need to see how his energy feels before deciding upon a repeat visit.

- - -

*For THREE play dates in a single day--it happened to me in Chicago!--I use the horse racing term "Trifecta".

FOUR play dates in a single day (which has not yet happened to me, unless one counts long sessions at bath houses, which I don't for this purpose) would be a "Superfecta".

And yes, I know that "Exacta" is technically more apt for two play dates in a single day, but few people can name what an Exacta is, but most people know the term "Daily Double" from "Jeopardy!".


This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/71095.html.
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The Return of Mr. Nice Jewish Energy Otter

We'd been wanting to reconnect for some time, but...GLOBAL PANDEMIC.

As before, he was 5'8", furry, adorable, pleasantly rough three-day stubble, otterish with furry chest and back and butt that had a slightly larger tummy than before COVID-19 Lockdown (as do most of the men I know at present), and those beautiful eyes. I have previously described Mr. NJEO as "modestly yet nicely hung", but realistically, when he's fully erect (as he was shortly after we disrobed), even when we 69 so his lovely upward curve fits down my throat, he is quite capable of choking me out with his dick. 

(And it felt wonderful.)

We started in his favorite position, a 69, and just as he was going to signal me to flip over on top (his very favorite position), I figured out what he wanted and we traded places neatly. Every time he touched my butt while sucking me, I felt little sparks of energy.

When his throbbing tongue dove into my butt, and I felt his face stubble setting off even more energy sparks, we quickly shifted to me on my chest with my butt in the air, gasping as he rimmed me like a starving man.  My butt, to its credit, opened up under his tongue like a starving man.*

After about 6 or 7 minutes, I'm not sure which one of us was more distressed at his not having started to fuck me yet, but we mutually agreed it was time.

Unlike so many men who have no idea how to prep a manhole for fucking, Mr. NJEO didn't even need to reach for the lube, he gently but firmly slid his dick home into my butt, making things feel ever so wonderful.

My butt knew what was coming, yet it decided to not spontaneously slime itself. I didn't mind; the fucking felt great
We spent maybe 15-20 minutes with him fucking me on my belly, on my side, on my back (not quite as comfortable as usual due to my "Quarantine 30"), on back on my belly with one leg scissored up.

He kept trying to apologize for being SO READY to cum, and I kept trying to tell him to shut the fuck up and FUCK. ME. And that's when he really started hammering away at my butt.

It was glorious.

Unlike prior play dates, he orgasmed only once, but I could feel both his load and his amazing energy flooding my ass.

We snuggled and chatted and caught up afterwards. He's currently working at an office not very far from my house. This will make it easier for a repeat session.

- - - - - - -

*I really should politely ask Mr. NJEO to give butt-prep/rimming/opening lessons to Mr. Hot Hung Deaf Eastern European, who complained to me the previous evening that my hole was much too tight for him to fuck, yet who neglected to rim or finger me to try and open me up before attempting to insert his prodigious uncut member. Ah, opportunities lost...

This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/70663.html.
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Win some, lose some.

So, up until last Sunday, I've been celibate for 13 long months.  My last, highly unsatisfactory play date was March 7, 2020, with Mr. Uncut Hungarian.  Who then surprised me a couple of months by asking me to play again. (Uh, no. He's very pretty, but I just can't process his mixed messages.)

Having received my second COVID-19 vaccine in late April, it was clear that my last-shot-14-days date (hereafter referred to as my "Magic Day") would be May 8th.

While I made three tentative play dates well ahead of that time, a couple more guys evidently remembered my Magic Day, and suddenly I started receiving interested queries this week.


Win: Mr. It's About Fucking Time

So on May 8th, I hied myself up to San Francisco to receive a massage from Mr. It's About Fucking Time.  This was one of the prearranged play dates.

After the massage, we hopped into bed where we spent much time cuddling and snuggling, kissing, and then he jammed my head down onto his rising substantial dick and fucked my throat until he was well and truly hard.

And then he fucked me within an inch of my life for about 10 minutes before running out of breath, and before it became clear that I needed to clean out a little deeper.

While it lasted, it felt wonderful. His prodigious member hit my prostate, and may actually have battered against my second sphincter once or twice. A thoroughly enjoyable pounding.  I was surprised to find that I remained completely soft.

We spent that night at my place, snuggling and sleeping together while his hands pumped hot golden energy into my body anyplace they touched.

It was...glorious.


Lose: Mr. Hot Hung Deaf Eastern European

Yesterday, a man I've played with twice before texted to see if I was playing again. He's in his 50's, is furry (clips his chest, which I hate), hung, uncut, and profoundly deaf. He loves the Big Boys, the bigger the better.  He's from Eastern Europe, so his written/texted English is doubly difficult to decipher, because his original language syntax combined with ASL syntax (different from "hearing English" syntax) to be...odder than one would expect.  Fortunately, he verbalizes and lipreads beautifully, because my ASL skills are shit these days.

Previously, he has come over, not been interested in kissing or body contact, but just wanted to bend me over and fuck me like the animal I always imagined myself being.

This time, he came over, and we went through several positions on the bed, none of which quite worked for him or for me. At one point, we had to stop for me to clean out again (I'd spent quite a bit time three hours earlier cleaning up, but he arrived 90 minutes later than I'd planned for), and he waited patiently, but it was clear that no position was quite working for him.

I couldn't tell if it was a failure for him to get hard enough, or something else. My best guess at what he signed and verbalized at me is that he found me "too tight".

To be blunt: at my experiential level, this is not an issue I normally anticipate experiencing.

Even after my cleaning out (again), we just couldn't find a mutually satisfying position that would let him pound me the way he normally would. For lack of a better term, his dick just couldn't seem to gain traction into my hole.

As profoundly delightful as found my time with Mr. It's About Fucking Time, I found my time with Mr. Hot Hung Deaf Eastern European to be profoundly disappointing. He hit my prostate a few times, and briefly I found my (completely limp) dick leaking precum...but then he'd lose the rhythm/traction, and we'd start a new cycle of repositioning.

Not really understanding the root cause (so to speak), I later sent him a highly apologetic text, which went unanswered.

Fortunately, I have two more chances for sexual self-redemption, both tomorrow night and Sunday afternoon, both with men I've played with before who are somewhat easier to communicate with. More on them later (hopefully).



This entry was originally posted at https://ethicalslut.dreamwidth.org/70411.html.
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Pandemic Chastity: 3/2020-11/2020 (and beyond)

It's been just over a year since my last entry.

I'm still around.

Sex hasn't really been possible for most of 2020 given that my husband and I have been sheltering in place since mid-March. We are our own quarantine "pod". Nobody comes into the house, and we only leave the house for grocery/pharmacy shopping, medical/dental appointments, and (for my husband) an occasional outside haircut, with both parties remaining fully masked.

Since my last entry, there have been a few guys.

There was one guy who was...weirdly passive. We played in late October, 2019. He was, like, afraid to move while I played with various parts of his body. Very handsome, nice body, but the energy was too strange for me to want an instant replay. Mr. Weird Passive Energy is his blog name, and I suspect I could have had a good time with him (and might be willing to try again) if only he would fucking tell me what he really wanted. I was frustrated because I found him highly attractive, but I need sexual partners to be interactive with me. They need to be able to kiss (and kiss back), and be touched and touch in return, and....they need to be able to play with my body as well. He just didn't seem able to do any of those things.

Mr. Hot Neighbor and I haven't played since 11/25/2019, although he's emailed me several times to tell me how much he misses me. (And I've responded in kind, letting him know how much I miss him.) Some of his notes, though short, have been rather sweet in a weird no-homo sort of way.

At the end of December (2019), I met and played with Mr. Hot Latino Transplant Nurse...here in my own city, for a change. The play was superb, the energy matching even better, and he turned out to be just as exquisitely sensitive to my touch as Mr. Spinal Tap...only more so. We stopped playing in late February, when he had to suddenly return home to Texas due to an unexpected promotion. By April of 2020, he confessed to being smitten with me. There's a lot more to the story, well-deserving of a detailed entry later.

So...I've had no sex with anyone else since early March, 2020. That was Mr. Uncut Hungarian, who may well get his own entry at some point in the near future, although I could summarize it by saying: gorgeous, hung, uncut, dirty, kinky, and seemed completely unimpressed with our play session at the time. And he doesn't kiss, cuddle, or touch back. As you might imagine, I was frustrated. He later asked me about playing again, because he had a great time. Talk about mixed messages. Does he want to play again because he really did have a good time, or because he couldn't find anyone else to play with him? I don't know.

So I'm sitting here in Northern California, and both my husband and I are safe, comfortable, and working from home while we wait for a COVID-19 vaccine to hit the streets. I suspect that I won't realistically be able to play with anyone (until my husband and I are both vaccinated) until probably late March or early April.

Except for the fact that I've been self-pleasuring on at least a daily basis (twice a day some days, and occasionally three times a day), I've been in a pandemic induced period of not having sex with other men.  Not quite the same thing as proper chastity, obviously.

Stay tuned. I promise to start posting again once I'm having sex with other men again. And I'll try to find time to do a catch-up post on Mr. Hot Latino Transplant Nurse.


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